A Better Way To Say Goodbye
by Amanda M. Daugherty
Summary: Set three years after Adrift I. Mac and a not so baby AJ go visit someone special. WARNING CHARACTER DEATH!!! READ WITH TISSUE!!!!


From: kevin amanda loisad@bbtel.com  
Subject:   
Date: Wednesday, July 18, 2001 2:01 PM  
  
Title: A Better Way To Say Goodbye  
Author: Amanda M. Daugherty  
E-mail: Country_girl_2003@yahoo.com  
Rating:   
Classification:   
Spoilers: Adrift  
Summary: Set three years after Adrift I. Mac and a not so baby AJ go say goodbye to someone.   
  
  
Disclaimers: Don't own JAG or the song Goodbye, that's performed by Martina McBride.  
  
  
  
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"Occurred to me the other day  
You been gone now a couple years  
Well I guess it takes a while  
For someone to really disappear  
And I remember where I was  
When the word came about you  
It was a day much like today  
The sky was bright and wide and blue  
  
  
  
  
It's been three years since he left. I really never noticed how long it's really been until today I just always kept thinking to myself that he was just gone on assignment somewhere. That he never really left that he didn't leave me and all our friends behind. I never thought he'd be the kind of man that would just go away without saying goodbye. I never thought he would leave when he had a godson that he had to see grow up and graduate from high school or maybe the academy. I never thought he'd leave with so much left to do here. He still had to carry on the family name. He had friends to make laugh and help grieving and I never thought he'd leave so shortly after baby Sarah's death. Didn't he know we had too much pain that year. That we didn't need anymore.   
  
  
"And I wonder where you are  
And if the pains ends when you die   
And I wonder if there was  
Some better way to say goodbye"  
  
  
  
We were all at my rehearsal dinner when we got the news that he and Skates went down. It's funny just a week before at my engagement party he said that he never pictured himself celebrating my engagement. I never could picture my engagement to anyone but him. It was no secret after we received the news that I love him. I loved him with all my heart and I never really told him the before he left. I guess he thought that he had nothing left here so he just left. After all I didn't wish him luck, like I always did and I yelled at him. He probably thought that his best friend was gone so why stay. After we got the news that he went down and Skates was found I went into the other room and cried. Mic tried to reassure me that he'd be alright. He tried to tell me that he'd come back. It was several hours until they resumed the search after the storm had cleared. I think everyone knew he would be in pretty bad shape and would need his friends around. I don't think any of us expected him to leave.   
  
When the chopper finally found him floating in the water I sent a pray up to Heaven that I would be able to tell him how I felt. I never in my wildest dreams expected to hear the words that came over the phone from the chopper's doc. "No pulse. Attempting CPR....no breath....we're sorry...it doesn't look like Commander Rabb will make it."  
  
The corner later said the he died from being in the cold water for so long. I wanted to be so angry at him for leaving me. I don't even remember the funeral. I was in shock. I don't even remember Mic calling off the wedding or anything else. My best friend and the love of my life was gone I wanted to die with him.  
  
I kneel down by the white marker. I run my fingers over his name. Harmon David Rabb Jr. 1963-2001. Anyone passing by would just think he was a soldier that was killed in battle, but to me he was much more. He was an adversary, a partner, a friend, a person to share a pizza with, my best friend. He was a man that had numerous awards, but none of that was the man he really was. He was a man that loved his godson like one of his own, who spoiled him endlessly, and now left me to try and make up for AJ not having his godfather here. He was a man who comforted his friends when they were down and would go to the ends of the earth for them. He was Harm.  
  
  
"Today my heart is big and sore  
It's tryin' to push right through my skin  
Won't see you anymore  
I guess that's finally sinkin' in  
'Cause you can't make somebody see  
With the simple words you say  
All their beauty from within  
Sometimes they just look away"  
  
  
  
"Hey Flyboy. I brought a guest with me today. He's waiting by my car. You won't believe how big he's gotten. He reminds me so much of you. I like to think that he's like our son would have been. You know Harm that's one promise you didn't keep to me. Sometimes at night I'll go to JAG and sit at your office and I can almost picture you there. I'm sitting there and you walk through the door with that stupid smile on your face. I ask you to lunch and you make a stupid joke about Beltway Burgers. I miss that Harm. I miss you. Sometimes I'm walking through the bullpen and I swear I can see you sitting there leaning back in your chair, feet resting on the desk with a picture in your hand. I automatically know that it's the picture that we took on our trip to you mom's house when the kids were still little. Yes I said kids. In this dream you kept up your end of the bargain. We have three kids. Two boys and one little girl. Mark and Matt were little miniature copies of you and Mel was daddy's little girl, our angel. Anyway AJ asked me if he could come see you. It hurts Bud and Harriet to come here. You died so soon after baby Sarah, Harm. Why did you have to do it? I try to tell Aj about you hoping that he won't forget you. I tell him of flying and all our crazy stunts with Webb. You know I never thought I'd see the tin man cry until your funeral. He wouldn't come in the chapel. He stood by the doors and at the gravesite services he watched from a distance. I know he felt like he didn't belong. I don't think he knew you considered him a friend. You left so much unsaid to everybody Harm. I know you wrote those letters and they just didn't cover it Harm They needed to hear it from you. Aj's already into flying. I hope you don't mind that Sergei and I took Aj up flying in Sarah the other day. We thought maybe it would help him get to know you and now he's hooked. He's five and talking about going to the academy and flight school. He wants to be just like the man we tell him was his uncle Harm. Promise me one thing though Harm. Don't let him die up there.  
  
"Before I let AJ come talk to you I want to say something about this letter Flyboy. I just opened it the other day. I couldn't bring myself to do it when you died. It seemed like reading this letter would bring it home that you really were gone and not just away somewhere tracking down sailor trafficking drugs or Lt. Navy Seals that don't like following orders. God Harm, I loved you so much, why did you have to go and die? I need you in my life. Everyday I ask myself why didn't we talk about our feelings sooner instead of running from there. If we did maybe this would have never happened.  
  
"I'm going to give AJ some time with you I just hope that when you left us flyboy that all the pain went away. You had so much in that letter. I just hope that all these years you never had the pain you expressed that you hurt me. Just so you know you never hurt me sailor. You brought joy to my life and even when we had our bad times I treasure them because you were with me and they made me a better person. I hope you can say the same thing about me." I place a gentle kiss to the monument before I get up and call Aj over to talk to the he only knows by stories and a name. "I still love you Harm I just want to know why couldn't you have found better way to say goodbye."   
  
  
"And I wonder where you are  
And if the pains ends when you die  
And I wonder if there was  
Some better way to say goodbye  
Some better way to say goodbye"  
  
  
  
THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
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FEEDBACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  



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